You can call me "John Smith". A few weeks before my 35th birthday, my body once again began to betray me, as it had done off and on for twenty years. It started with itching in my breasts and a sense that insects were crawling across them. But when I went into the men's room at work to check, there were no bugs. Then as weeks passed, they began to feel heavy and full, although to my eye they did not seem to be growing. Then my nipples started to become so sensitive I could hardly stand to move about. And finally, one day at work I looked down to find two wet spots on my shirt where my nipples had rubbed.
You'd go to see a doctor, wouldn't you? Not me. I'd been denying my many symptoms for so many years that my only thought was how I could cover this one up? I decided to get a bra.
I went to a specialty shop at a time of day I thought it wouldn't be busy. The clerk, a woman of course, asked if she could help me.
"I'm looking for a bra... for my 12 year old daughter."
"Could the young lady come in herself so we could be assured of a correct fit?" asked the clerk. There was a hint of disapproval in her voice.
"Well, she's quite shy... I believe her breasts are, ha, not much bigger than mine... what would you suggest?"
"But surely you are not suggesting that you try a bra on in the expectation that if it fit you, it would also fit her?"
"No, but I could get an idea just by holding it up against me. We are quite close..." I stumbled over the implication that I had been looking at my fictitious daughter's breasts.
I got the strong feeling that I was about to be dismissed, but by that point we had drifted over to the Young Miss section and I was able to hold up a nice frilly item, marked 22 AA.
"This cup seems about right, I think, but the chest size is way off. I think I need about a 42."
"What!! Your daughter needs a 42 AA??? That would be a special order item."
And so I ordered and paid for three of them and was able to pick them up in a week. noticed as I left the store three clerks were standing together looking at me and talking in low tones. Just one more humiliating experience in a humiliating life.
The next day I put one on. It fit OK although those straps take some getting used to and I had to make absolutely sure nothing showed through my shirt. Then I took each cup and into it I inserted a small piece of tissue to absorb the wetness coming from my sensitive nipples. I never did have very much discharge and I was pretty sure this would cover me until I got better.
But I didn't get better. In a few more weeks my breasts ached continuously to the point where I had to sleep on my back completely nude and even at that, my sleep was erratic. I began to make mistakes at work. I knew that the time finally had come for me to see a doctor, the first doctor I had seen since childhood.
I wanted a male endocrinologist and as I would not tell the
receptionist on the phone what my problem was, it was somewhat of a
struggle to make an appointment, especially as I insisted it
was an emergency.
Dr. Phillips was in his mid-forties and probably had seen a lot, but I doubted if he had ever seen anything like what I had. After we introduced ourselves, he asked me how he could help me.
"It's my breasts, doc. They are always painful and they feel like they are engorged all the time."
"How much marijuana do you smoke?"
"What other symptoms do you have?"
"Well, er, I seem to be lactating."
His eyes got big. "How much milk do you think you are producing?"
"Not much, maybe a teaspoon a day from both nipples combined."
"In a moment we'll do a complete physical, but before that I need to ask you some more questions."
"When was the last time you had sexual intercourse?"
The key question, and one I hoped I would not be asked. I hesitated, wondering what would happen if I dodged the question. But then I realized that the time for hiding was finally over.
"I've never had sexual intercourse."
I've got to hand it to him, he hardly blinked. His next question came out smoothly. "When was the last time you had an erection?"
"I believe I was about 13."
"And what were the circumstances under which you had your last erection?"
"My parents hired a babysitter to look after me and my younger sister. I gave her my allowance to suck on my penis."
"So your sexual orientation at that time was hetero. How about today?"
"I have no sexual desire whatsoever but I've always felt that if I could ever have an erection, it would be because I found the right woman."
"And have you attempted to find that woman?"
"Yes, on three or four occasions in my 20's I found myself in a situation involving nudity and foreplay with a woman. And in every case I found I was totally unable to perform, although of course my hands and mouth served as poor substitutes. Since then, I have totally given up and I shrink from any situation I think might develop in that direction."
"And do you ever find upon awakening that you have an erection?"
"No, not in the least."
"Continuing in the spirit of frankness, John, can you tell me if you have ever worried about the size of your penis and testicles?"
"Yes." I choked out.
"Good. Now if you will kindly strip to the waist, I will ask my nurse to step in here and we will start the examination."
"Oh, doc, I wonder if it could just be the two of us. Your nurse is female?"
"Yes, but of course she has to be present. I am forbidden by the rules of my practice to conduct any breast examination without a nurse present!"
And so I slowly took off my shirt as the doctor called in Mrs. Jenkins. She stumbled slightly when she saw my frilly bra and you could see she was frantically holding back a big laugh. I popped it off and there I stood with two strangers staring at my slightly enlarged breasts. My sensitive erect nipples were exuding a tiny amount of whitish moisture. I blushed.
Apparently my case was not as unique as I thought. Without a word, Mrs. Jenkins walked up to me and smiled reassuringly, then took my left breast in her hands and began to massage it. I yelped in surprise and pain. She continued, but a little slower and more softly so that it was bearable, even in a funny way enjoyable. Dr. Phillips rustled in a cabinet and in a moment he handed the nurse a small glass pipette. A small drop had now appeared on my nipple and she scooped it up neatly with the pipette, capillary action causing it to disappear inside. Then she repeated the massage on my right breast, but this time I was slow to produce. Vigorous and prolonged manipulation failed. Finally, making eye contact with me and shrugging her shoulders, she placed her mouth directly on my nipple She drew it into her mouth and began to suck it avidly while ringing it with her tongue. Almost instantly I could feel a sort of pleasurable release and she broke the contact, smiling up at me with a bit of milk still showing at the corner of her mouth. Suddenly the full impact of what I had just done hit me, and I blushed from top to bottom.I had been suckled by an adult woman!
The doctor broke the spell.
"John, to continue with the examination, I would like you to remove all the rest of your clothes."
If only he knew how hard this was for me! But I did it, and there I stood, totally naked before two strangers. But there was a good deal more humiliation to come. Reaching into a cabinet, the doctor brought out a ruler and handed it to the nurse, who was gloving.
"John, your condition sometimes manifests itself by causing a penis to be smaller than usual and sometimes the testicles are overly small. We need to check this out."
I just gulped and nodded. The nurse's hand took my penis and pressed it lightly against the ruler. "3 1/4." she said, slightly apologetically. Then she took a small caliper the doctor handed her and very gently measured each testicle, then while holding my penis away from my body, she placed my scrotum and testicles on a small scale. Fortunately my balls seemed to be OK.
"And the penis isn't so bad either," said the doctor reassuringly. "A penis of that size should reach a full 5 inches when erect, and that should be sufficient for most ladies, and even more pleasant for the tighter ones."
It was impossible to tell if he was bullshitting me or not. The nurse was turned away from me and her body was shaking.
I suddenly realized exactly how I looked standing there nude. You could start with my spindly arms and my leaky breasts, go down to my silly looking potbelly, then see my flaccid useless tiny penis and my nonfunctioning balls, and finish off with my skinny legs. I thought to myself that the only thing left to completely finish my humiliation would be if I started to blubber like a girl. And at that I started crying.
The doctor said I needed a certain blood test right away and so the nurse took a vial while I was trying to dry my tears. Then they both left the room to allow me to dress in peace and compose myself.
The doctor had the receptionist schedule me for a return visit in three days. He said he was pretty sure he knew what my problem was, and that it was completely curable.
And indeed it was. It turned out that I had a so-called benign tumor on my pituitary which was causing a huge release of a hormone called prolactin into my bloodstream. Prolactin is what causes a woman to lactate after giving birth, but my level was ten times that of a nursing woman and 200 times that of a normal man! I was scheduled for an MRI of my head to see just how big the tumor was. They are slow growing, but since I had had one apparently for about twenty years, surgery might be indicated. Meanwhile, I was given a prescription for a drug called bromocriptine which completely blocks the prolactin. The doctor told me that my sexual difficulties were also due to the prolactin, and that I probably would regain normal sexual function, but the timing was chancy. The drug might do it, or I might have to wait until the surgery.
As he handed me the prescription at the door, Dr. Phillips got an odd look on his face.
"I suggest that you take the loading dose of medicine in private when you will have several free hours. And it would be best to have a good woman friend with you."
That was a Friday, so I decided to wait until the next day to start the pills. I live in an apartment complex catering to young singles. Right now there are many more women than men, and I knew I would see many of my friends around the pool on Saturday. I have lots of women friends. Many women appreciate a guy who won't hit on them, and they all knew me to be totally harmless and possibly gay.
I was particularly thinking about Cecily, a smaller woman in her late 20's who had always been particularly kind to me. I was pretty sure she worked at a hospital in administration. I was glad to see her sitting in a group of swimsuited women at poolside. Of course I never appeared there in swimwear. After awhile she noticed I was looking at her particularly, so she casually got up and swam a couple of laps, then came out of the water and sat down on the chaise beside me. They had some wine coolers there and I got one for each of us. Then I had one more before I got up the courage to ask her to come up to my apartment. I told her about the new medicine but not what it was or what it was for.
So she pulled on a robe and we went up and I took the loading dose and nothing happened until about thirty minutes and then I got the most godawful sensation of heat through my whole body. I apologized to Cecily as I tore off my pants and opened up my shirt, trying to hide my bra from her. But by now I was sweating heavily and burning up and she was so worried she started pulling off my shirt and then she stopped short when she saw my bra. There was a short period of shocked silence and then she started giggling. I told her I could explain everything but that I had to cool down or I would die. She got some ice cubes from the fridge. When she got back I was down to my underpants. She had me turn face down and she rubbed my back lightly with ice and did my legs, too, and then pulled my shorts down and did my butt. I found out later you are NEVER to mix alcohol with bromocriptine. It was right in the instructions but I didn't read them. I pulled my shorts up.
By then I was pretty much recovered and so she got a towel and dried me off. Then I turned over and I showed her my poor swollen breasts and I explained to her everything about my condition.
When I got to the part about never having had an erection since age 13 and being a virgin, her eyes got very wide. When I said I hoped that the drug would enable me to perform sexually, she got a great big smile on her face, and shortly thereafter I found my shorts once again being tugged down. Then off came her robe and she invited me to unzip her suit which I did nervously. She had a most lovely body, and as I took off her suit, I felt the very first stirring below the belt.
Her cool hands began to caress my penis, and a most wonderous thing began to happen. I felt a great excitement and tension and her hands were like velvet against exquisitely sensitive skin. I began to harden. Then she bent over me and took my half-hard penis in her mouth and began to suck energetically while running her tongue around the tip. In another 15 seconds I was totally hard.
I was totally selfish, too. Without a word I jerked myself out of her mouth, pressed her down onto the carpet, and entered her. After only 15 more seconds, I was cumming. After I pulled out I just laid there on my back in total joy, stunned by emotion, knowing at last what sex was all about, cursing myself for wasting twenty years.
She seemed pretty much in shock at the quickness and force. I made it up to her, made sure she came too, using my hands and mouth as she directed me, telling her I was very sorry and that it would be better next time.
She seemed OK with it. She seemed lost in thought for awhile, then she gave me a sort of funny smile and asked me if she could invite her friends to come up! So I said yes, of course.
She went back down to the pool and got four of her friends to come up and as I lay there naked on the floor she told them the whole story, including how she had just deflowered a virgin. Then they all took off their clothes and we had a regular orgy. I was insatiable. It seemed like all the sexual energy I had repressed for twenty years wasn't lost. It all came out.
Next day I called up Dr, Phillips and told him what had happened.
"Oh, yes, " he said amusedly. "It's called a testosterone storm. You're just making up for lost time."
I did have the surgery a few weeks later. I still have to take a small amount of bromo as they could not quite get it all. Cecily and I are living together now, and she is too jealous for more orgies. As for me, I am a completely different person. We think we are in control of our personalities, but then something like this comes along and makes you wonder if we aren't in the last analysis just a bag of hormones. Let's hear it for the hormones!